why i am like god but with a penis and two less legs

a bold statement? perhaps, but an empirically verifiable, irrefutable, utter lack of disconfirming instances truth. how, t-shirted centaur, can you be like god but with a penis and two less legs? and, for that matter, why doesn't god have a penis and why does it need six legs? my poor ignorant and naive friend, let me enumerate the ways i am like god while simultaneosly answering your adorably ridiculous questions.

one
my spirit, much like god's, is omnipresent and is the very force compelling and complicating life as we know it.

two
i, like god, am matter and my spirit, like gods, is merely the orchestrating principle of said matter.

three
i love the pussy (pussy being the technical, theological term used to explain the manner in which the many modes of matter, compelled by my spirit, encounter one another and, in so doing, extend their duration).

four
i love sleeping in on sundays

five
i am not a self in as much as i am a microcosm of The Set of all that is.

six
my parents only pretend to believe in me



i guess that about covers it. maybe this has been enlightening, even a soul changing (p.s. you have no soul) event? in either case, merry t-shirtedcentaur daay! in honour of today, you are to strip down to nothing but some spiderman or wolverine kids pajamas (they have to be a pant/shirt combo), play your favorite music really loudly, do something you love, watch the big lebowski, squeal with glee at least once, and ask at least one ontological or epistemological question. if you do not do these things, you will go to hell; hell being an unexamined and unenjoyed life.

merry t-shirted centaur day, mother fuckers! (the official greeting of t-shirtedcentaur day).