Ketchup, catsup, or catch up?

hello, my bipedal friends! wow, it's been so long! look at your hair! it looks great! have you lost weight? is it the pilates? really? no, i didn't realize there were whole body kegel excercises. really? wow, that's really... please, stop. that's gross. but, look at this! oh - my - god! i've never seen a tatoo of a topless lizard woman riding a t-rex with an erection before. well, i've never seen one placed there before. the thing about big breasted lizard women is, well, breasts are mamary glands, they're for nursing offspring and are characteristic of mamals and marsupials, so, well, a lizard woman would have little to no use for such {ahem} ample breasts. just a thought. but the colours are amazing!

what? oh, well, you know the old chestnut: a 401 year old, 1000lb, former investment banking, t-shirt wearing, feynman clone and big titted ghost cohabitating, anxiety suffering centaur has a quarter life crises and decides to devote his life to the world wide bongo circuit only to discover that he's stinking up the scene. i mean, i don't want to be an investment banker anymore but i'm no good at bongo playing! i feel like i'm all out of options. i mean, what's left?

i don't want to talk about that, i'd rather talk about you. what have you been doing? oh. oh! oh, well, they say time heals all wounds...no, well, yeah, i guess you're right. time definetly does not cure cancer. you don't have cancer do you? see, so the time... well, i guess. you're right, time wouldn't heal an inverted penis. again, do you have an invert... i see. are you sure you're not talking about a vagina? i see. no, i wouldn't like to see... i'm speaking figuratively. well, yes we are talking about your figure... no...please put your pants back on ... look i don't want to... wow! that is most definetly an inverted penis. how do you like that? no, that what figurative speech again. yeah, we covered that. on the plus side, you'll never loose a chapstick again.

anyway, i guess i should be on my way. don't despair, i've just acquired a real internet connection so i'm planning on staying in touch. cool. great. yes. yeah. ok. look, i've really got to get going, i've got a hoof cleaning. i will. right. ciao.