fuck apples.

fuck apples. That's right, fuck apples!

"What'd apples ever do to you ma...man(?)...man-horse...guy?"

Apples killed my father, that's what! No, apples didn't kill my father. Hercules killed my father but a snake made eve take an apple; snakes are Hera's domain; Hera hated Hercules; baby Hercules killed two would-be assassin snakes and adolescent Hercules lost his virginity in an apple orchard. Apples orchestrated and underage deflowering! So, I reiterate, fuck apples!
Look, that sounds harsh, I know, but don't fall for the spin - That's exactly what the apple commission wants you do! Apples aren't all love and rainbows. Apples are lazy, duplicitious, and above all ungrateful little bastards. Oh, and they are a cocky breed, especially those "red delicious" bitches. red delicious? why not just name yourselves "all the other red apples are ass"?

fuck apples.